Media Cliché no 1: “I’m a sexy, confident woman so I’m gonna dance with my arms above my head. Yeah! Whoo! Look at me! I’m so sexy and confident!”

This tiresome cliché is well illustrated by Stacey Solomon in the latest Iceland adverts. The advert’s premise is that Stacey finishes her live tour and begins to drive home for Christmas (cue Stacey’s new single: Driving Home for Christmas).


In the following series of adverts we see Stacey partying with her friends and family and, hey presto! rather uncomfortably performing the “I’m a sexy, confident woman” arms above the head dance. Look away now if you are of an easily cringable disposition....

Now, I’m not gonna knock Stacey here. She seems a perfectly lovely young lady, and her discomfort and awkwardness at having to perform this little cliché in the advert is palpable, which actually adds to her “ordinary” likability, because most of us non-showy types would feel the same cringe of shame and having to do this “dance, monkey-boy, dance” routine. Part of this girl’s charm is her non-stage-schooled un-starriness, and despite the advertisers and her PR people capitalising on Stacey’s “ordinariness” and ramming it down our throats, the charming Eliza Doolittle awkwardness and unpretentiousness of Ms Solomon is still as yet unsullied by Showbiz. But for a little schadenfreude, let’s picture ourselves at the scene. Our heroine Stacey is surrounded by ambitious, hardened media types, and desperate fame-hungry models and bit-part actors:

ADVERT DIRECTOR: Now Stacey, love, we want those plebs out there to aspire to your Dagenham Girl Done Good lifestyle, so here in this party scene you need to show the world how happy you are; how sexy and confident you are, and the best way to do that is to do a twirling dance throwing your arms above your head in a devil may care way. A way that says, “I’m a sexy, confident woman. Whoo! Look at me! I’m having the time of my life!”. Ok?

STACEY: Ermmm…ok.

(Stacey stares into space, remembering a pre X Factor time and wondering if she has sold her soul to the devil….)

"I'm a sexy, confident woman, blah, blah, blah" dance also likely to be found:

Any of The Apprentice advert tasks where the candidates have an advert that they film taking place in the sexy world of nightclubs and young people. Anything the Apprentice candidates decide is a good idea to put into an advert is a tired old cliché that needs to be laid to rest.

ALSO RELATED TO:

Every m*therf*cking advert that relates something to sex (see: practically every advert in the world ever), but especially annoying are the women’s orgasm ads – chocolate = sex, food = sex, shampoo = sex…Yes, we get it!!!!

 Women: Did you know you are liberated now? You are allowed to enjoy sex and everything!   Now, why not throw your arms in the air and do a sexy, confident dance? Now, while you’re there why not start making some orgasmic style moans? Keep going…I’m just going to get my video camera….

Makes you yearn for the days of Victorian repression.